You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
