And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
