I am puke
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
