I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
