it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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