you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
