I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
