He kissed a someone with a penis
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
