his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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