dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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