there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
