I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We named our party play list daddy issues
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
