my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
