First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
