Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
im holly from the hills drunk
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
