wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
