I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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