The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
