I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
