Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
