Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
