If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
