Someone shit on the floor
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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