Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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