Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
