I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
