So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
