I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
