i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
