i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
