he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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