My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
