I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
