I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
