it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
