I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You ruined the universe
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
