Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
