Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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