So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
