Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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