Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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