census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
