you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
