haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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