Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
