Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
