My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
