Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I want to fling myself into the sun
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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