im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
