i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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