the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
