your room smells of hookers.
And success
...so i touched it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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