Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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