So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
