I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
