It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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