I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
