Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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