i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The feeling are messing with the penis
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
