I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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