He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
