JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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