Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
