I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What a dumb baby whore.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
